BSD, C, httpd, SQLite.
BCHS (pronounced /biːtʃəz/, beaches) is for real development. It's a hipster-free, open source software stack for web applications. To prepare a BCHS environment, install OpenBSD. Then get started.
Don't care for talk? See an easy example. For more, see Secure CGI Applications in C on BSD or an article on web application sandboxing. If you're starting an application from scratch, consider using JSON//BCHS.
Is BCHS a joke? No. PHP is a joke. node.js is a joke. Software development is full of jokes. This is not one of them.